Dear Abby: My sisters treat me like the ‘failure’ of the family

DEAR ABBY: I americium nan youngest of 4 sisters. I mislaid 1 of them, “Rachel,” to crab respective years ago. She and I were considered nan “failures” of nan family because we had to activity difficult to return attraction of our families, whereas our different 2 sisters joined into money. Rachel didn’t return portion successful galore family get-togethers because, I’m guessing, she felt retired of place. I didn’t understand it then, but I do now that she’s gone because I consciousness nan aforesaid way. 

It’s aggravating for maine now erstwhile my sisters travel to town. They don’t understand really difficult we person to activity to get by. They deliberation we and our children, who are retired moving difficult too, tin return clip disconnected anytime to get together pinch them erstwhile they travel connected short notice. It’s aggravating, and I’m unsure really to attack this. Please help. — ‘FAILURE’ IN FLORIDA

DEAR ‘FAILURE’: Your “successful” sisters look to beryllium annoyingly obtuse. The adjacent clip you person an invitation connected short notice, patiently explicate to them nan quality successful your manner and theirs and constituent retired that it precludes you changing your schedule astatine nan driblet of a hat. Then show them nan magnitude of clip you request to prepare. (Why you would want to get together pinch anyone who makes you consciousness “less than” puzzles me.)

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been divided for 10 years and person since remarried. I began making love my existent woman 9 years ago. I person 4 daughters, ages 24 done 37. Since nan divorce, our relationships person been strained because my ex continues to clasp them emotionally hostage by feeding her communicative that I’m nan bad feline for initiating nan divorce. Because my daughters look to judge everything their mother tells them, it’s been difficult to reintegrate backmost into their lives because they don’t cognize what to judge aliases who to trust.

My caller woman gets disappointment erstwhile they don’t telephone maine for nan large events (birthdays, Father’s Day, holidays, etc.). And I consciousness horrible because her kids make a constituent of contacting maine for each event. Should I proceed accepting wherever things are pinch my daughters and hold for them to recognize I’m not nan monster their mother has painted maine as? Or should I effort having a difficult speech pinch each of them and return my chances connected perchance saying nan incorrect point and making things worse? — DAMNED IF I DO OR DON’T

DEAR DAMNED: I’m not judge what nan circumstances were that made you divorcement their mother, but your daughters are nary longer children. They are afloat into adulthood. I do deliberation a speech pinch each of them is successful order. 

If you attack nan taxable saying that things don’t ever activity retired arsenic planned, and had you recovered surviving pinch their mother to beryllium tolerable you would still beryllium married, it mightiness make nan remainder of what you person to opportunity much palatable. If your ex has accused you of infidelity, you person a correct to take sides yourself arsenic agelong arsenic you don’t assassinate their mother’s characteristic (which is apt what she has done to yours).

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, besides known arsenic Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby astatine http://www.DearAbby.com aliases P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.