From apps to gadgets, 'Second Life' considers how tech is changing having a baby

When journalist Amanda Hess was 7 months pregnant, a regular ultrasound revealed that her babe appeared to beryllium sticking retired his tongue. Hess was charmed by nan visual, but her doctors warned that it mightiness beryllium motion of a uncommon familial condition. What followed was a spiral of MRIs, familial testing, consultations pinch specialists and late-night dive into nan net for answers.

"After respective weeks of tests, erstwhile I was astir 8 months pregnant, we learned that my boy has Beckwith-Wiedemann syndrome [BWS], which is an overgrowth upset that, among different things, tin origin a kid to person a very enlarged tongue," Hess says.

BWS is simply a familial information that occurs successful astir 1 successful 11,000 births. In summation to enlarged tongues, children pinch BWS whitethorn person enlarged abdominal organs and an accrued consequence of processing definite cancers during childhood.

Hess was disappointment that nan app she had been utilizing seemed to attraction exclusively connected patient pregnancies — nan BWS test fell beyond its scope. She turned to Google, but nan hunt results weren't reassuring. She publication tabloid news stories and Reddit threads of group who were sadistic astir nan beingness of babies pinch nan BWS. One influencer moreover suggested that nan syndrome was caused by stressed retired mothers who had figuratively spot their ain tongues during pregnancy.

"It's wholly ludicrous," Hess says. "I cognize that my son's familial information was not caused by thing I thought during pregnancy. But astatine nan time, location was this sub-rational portion of myself that really felt that that was true."

When Hess' owed day yet came, she labored for 24-hours earlier her doctors recommended she person a C-section. That's erstwhile she started crying; looking backmost now, she says her investigation into BWS had made her acrophobic to meet her son. But aft his birth, those fears disappeared.

"He was a person, finally, who I had a existent narration with, each of these imagined images of him and imaginable lives for him dissolved," she says. "And it was really only astatine that infinitesimal that I realized really disablement tin beryllium truthful divided from its quality discourse done these technologies and really I really needed to conscionable meet this babe successful bid to put it backmost there."

In nan caller book, Second Life: Having A Child In The Digital Age, Hess writes astir really exertion shapes each facet of parenting — from our online identities to nan pressures of sharing our lives successful real-time.

"I started to deliberation astir penning a book astir exertion earlier I became pregnant, not benignant of readying to attraction it connected this clip successful my life," she says. "And past instantly erstwhile I became pregnant, my narration pinch exertion became truthful overmuch much intense. ... It was only later that I really began to understand that these technologies activity arsenic communicative devices, and they were moving successful my life to show maine a definite communicative astir my domiciled arsenic a genitor and nan expectations for my child."

Interview highlights

Second Life: Having a Child successful nan Digital Age Penguin Random House hide caption

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Penguin Random House

On gestation apps vs. accepted books connected pregnancy

My telephone was ever there. And truthful moreover if I did not intend to bring my gestation app pinch me, it was location constantly. And truthful I recovered myself looking astatine it again and again. Also, a book is simply a group document. It covers a constricted number of scenarios, and there's, like, a existent limitation to that. But it besides intends that it can't beryllium benignant of tweaked and engineered truthful that it serves you immoderate seemingly caller portion of accusation for illustration each time aliases each fewer hours. I recovered myself looking astatine [the gestation app] Flo during my pregnancy, like, 10 times a day, moreover though … I was not looking ... for existent proposal aliases existent information. I wasn't taking that accusation and changing my fare aliases my movements. I deliberation I was looking for reassurance that I was doing OK. ... And truthful location became this existent intimacy to our pseudo narration that I didn't person pinch an informational gestation book.

On precocious prenatal and embryonic testing designed to foretell disabilities and abnormalities

I deliberation nan point that worries maine nan astir about these technologies is location seems to beryllium truthful overmuch liking and finance successful knowing what definite children will beryllium for illustration — and trying to forestall children pinch definite differences — and very small finance successful nan attraction for those children, investigation that could thief these children and adults. And truthful I really recovered myself connected some sides of this divide, wherever I had entree to what was astatine nan clip immoderate precocious prenatal testing, but was besides capable to spot aft my child's commencement that he was being calved into a world that is not innovating successful nan abstraction of accommodating disabilities successful nan measurement that it is innovating successful nan abstraction of trying to forestall them.

On nan imaginable effect of babe show surveillance  

I deliberation there's this measurement that surveillance tin go confused pinch attraction and attraction and love. And I had this acquisition pinch my kids wherever I had installed this fancy babe show that I was testing retired for nan book, and done it … nan video was uploaded to immoderate unreality server, truthful I could watch them from anywhere. … But it wasn't until 1 nighttime erstwhile nan camera was group up and I laid down pinch my boy successful his furniture I sensed this beingness successful nan area of nan room, these, like, 4 reddish glowing eyes. … I could really spot it from his perspective. Like, he's not seeing this beautiful smiling image of maine watching him. He is seeing 4 mechanical eyes.

Amanda Hess writes astir net civilization and gender astatine The New York Times. Loreto Caceres/Penguin Random House hide caption

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Loreto Caceres/Penguin Random House

I said pinch my friend who had utilized a camera pinch her kid who yet asked for it to beryllium taken retired erstwhile she was 3 years aged aliases thing and could articulate this because she didn't want "the eye," arsenic she called it, to beryllium watching her successful her bedroom. And I deliberation truthful galore times these technologies are purchased by parents earlier their kids are moreover born. And they want to do what's correct and they're frightened and they want to make judge that they person everything they need, for illustration earlier nan kid arrives. And truthful we're not moreover giving ourselves a chance to really understand what it is we're getting and whether we really request it.

On nan SNOO, a high-tech bassinet that responds to a baby's outcry pinch motion

I spent specified a agelong clip trying to troubleshoot nan SNOO to effort to get it to activity for my baby, until yet I recovered that I was really troubleshooting my child, and he had go truthful entwined pinch nan exertion that I really didn't cognize wherever nan workings of nan instrumentality ended and wherever my son's slumber patterns began. And truthful this exertion that's often sold arsenic a instrumentality to thief america amended understand our kids and get information insights into them, successful this case, for me, it really made it much difficult for maine to understand what was going connected pinch him and really he really wanted to sleep.

On uncovering support from online communities and forums astir BWS

Just seeing nan thousands of group who are members of these groups and seeing those numbers is truthful comforting to maine because it reminds maine that my boy is not alone. We were not unsocial pinch him. There is this full organization of group who look nan aforesaid successful immoderate way. They acquisition immoderate of nan aforesaid societal stigmas. They acquisition immoderate of nan aforesaid aesculapian traumas and aesculapian experiences. They conscionable don't beryllium successful a geographical organization because nan information is excessively rare. So these groups are a existent reminder for maine that nan net tin beryllium specified a balm to communities of group who can't entree each different offline.

Sam Briger and Susan Nyakundi produced and edited this question and reply for broadcast. Bridget Bentz, Molly Seavy-Nesper and Meghan Sullivan adapted it for nan web.