Woman Refuses to Have Kids Before Marriage. Boyfriend Accuses Her of ‘Punishing’ Him for Not Proposing

A female is seeking support from nan Reddit organization aft telling her fellow of 7 years that she won’t person children pinch him unless he’s consenting to wed her first.

Their semipermanent romance, erstwhile filled pinch dreams of “marriage, kids, a house, nan full shebang,” has deed a crossroads, and now she’s asking if she’s successful nan incorrect for opinionated her ground.

“I for illustration kids and I deliberation I’d beryllium a bully mother,” nan 31-year-old writes successful her post, describing herself arsenic unfastened to parenthood but besides perfectly contented pinch her life arsenic it is. “I’d for illustration to person children but I wouldn’t beryllium upset if I didn’t person any,” she adds, making it clear she’s not hopeless to go a mom.

Her 33-year-old boyfriend, connected nan different hand, “has ever dreamed of being a dad,” and precocious suggested that they’re yet fresh to commencement a family. The business is somewhat analyzable because her boyfriend’s wellness is fragile. “He has a illness that very overmuch truthful limits his life expectancy,” she shares, and he’s told her, “if he doesn’t person kids asap he astir apt shouldn’t person them astatine all, because different he wouldn’t beryllium capable to spot them into adulthood.”

But his caller proposal near her “a small confused,” since she’d made her feelings clear from nan very beginning.

She reminded him of what she said wrong nan first year: “I would ne'er person children pinch a man that I’m not joined to. I consciousness for illustration children are a overmuch bigger committedness than marriage, truthful matrimony should travel first."

She was upfront astir her values, admitting, “If a man doesn’t emotion maine and isn’t committed capable to spending nan remainder of our lives together, I don’t spot why I wouldn’t make nan sacrifice of base his children? Maybe it’s aged fashioned of me.” Despite her clarity, her fellow was unmoved.

“He was awkward, and said he conscionable doesn’t want to get married,” she recalls. His reasoning? “He said men get screwed complete successful divorces each nan time, and he conscionable doesn’t deliberation matrimony is important aliases a smart choice.”

She accepted his feelings, telling him, “That’s fine. We don’t person to get married. I’m happy pinch our life arsenic is.” But she past drew a line: “We conscionable won’t beryllium buying a location together aliases having children together.”

She's moreover suggested a applicable solution: “We tin each bargain our ain location and unrecorded successful one, and rent retired nan other. If we aren’t getting joined I don’t want to really entangle our finances successful immoderate way.” But her fellow wasn't happy pinch that arrangement, either.

“He blew up astatine maine and said I’m punishing him for not waiting to wed him,” she writes, disappointment that her boundaries are being seen arsenic punishment. She insists, “I’m not, conscionable that having children extracurricular of matrimony goes extracurricular of my individual values.”

She's besides made it clear she won't judge a matrimony connection conscionable to soft things over. “I want him to really want to wed me, and if not, that’s okay," she adds. "Children and matrimony are disconnected nan array for us.”

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Commenters judge she is wholly justified successful her beliefs.

"This man is asking OP to return a immense magnitude of consequence to fulfill his desires, but erstwhile she asks for him to do reasonable things to mitigate that risk, he started flailing," writes 1 commenter.

Adds another, "Stick to your guns but also, if you want to wed and person children, time off him. You person nary clip to discarded connected a man who is not connected nan aforesaid page. And a man who expects you to put your life connected nan statement erstwhile he isn’t arena consenting to put his money connected nan table, is not a man you request to beryllium with."